So after I moved into my lovely midtown apartment, one thing was clear: The lack of bedroom closet space! This is a known commodity (or lack thereof) amongst many midtown apartments. A friend was gracious enough to give me a wardrobe closet: Sweet, right?
Her and her husband brought it to me and set it up. That’s first class service there.
So one day, I take it apart so that I could utilize a part of it for a yard sale at a friend’s house. I knew I would have to put it back together, which couldn’t be that complicated. I mean, it’s not like I was assembling a microwave from spare parts. Even though the idea of that sounds like loads of fun. The kind of fun where time flies because you gave up on building the microwave and decided to go see a movie instead. Yep.
So where was I? Oh right. The wardrobe closet. 🙂
After the yard sale, I put the wardrobe closet back together. Notice that I’ve written wardrobe closet several times! I love writing and saying it because it reminds me of the movie Chronicles of Narnia. (If you’ve seen it you know what I’m referring to.) If you haven’t its magical and heartwarming and one of the main characters discovers a wardrobe closet that takes them to the world of Narnia. Ok that’s enough about that. You didn’t come here to read a synopsis. Rent the movie.
So I put it together (the wardrobe closet. hehe) and after I was done I noticed it was a little wobbly. I was sure I had put all the pieces and so I shrugged my shoulders. Beginning another task, I spot it! There it was. The missing PEG. Sigh!
I tried to just slide it in, once I found where it went. But in order to add it, I would literally have to take most of it down and start over. UGH! I seriously stood there contemplating whether or not I would make that effort. What would it matter if I just left it out? Oh, I forgot to mention that I had also hung up clothes. It was sturdy enough…
I began to think about this peg as it relates to my life. Do I want to put in the work to be complete or am I okay to just let a piece of me hang out there, knowing it’s accessible and in my reach? Am I willing to rebuild and reshape some things in my life in order to feel whole, or is the work more daunting than the end results? Is it worth it to take down the wardrobe closet and start over?
I have been faced with the missing peg dilemma many times in my life. Times when the fear and pain had become somewhat comfortable yet also uncomfortable. The paradox of not wanting a thing but yet having had it for so long that to let it go felt scarier than the thing itself.
Sometimes I would let it hang out there. Sometimes, (most times) when I saw the piece, the solution, I rolled up my sleeves and put in the work.
I faced my fears of traveling alone outside of the States. I went to Puerto Rico and had the most amazing adventure. I even got lost trying to take a city bus and it was okay because I knew I would eventually make it to where I was supposed to be. Life is a journey. And sometimes different routes will still lead us to the same destination.
I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, to look within my soul, my past, my abuse, my anger, my loneliness, my hopes, my shortcomings, my character (or lack there of, at times) my dreams.
And the journey hasn’t stopped. There will be many missing pegs along the way and I will always have a choice. But because I have made the choice so many times and have found insurmountable courage and healing beyond my heart ever thought possible…
I took the wardrobe closet down. Started over and put every piece exactly where it should be. Now, it wasn’t just sturdy ‘enough’. It was able to encompass all that it was designed to do. To hold the weight of my clothes and accessories without faltering and wobbling.
As am I. I am able to move forward to become who my Creator designed me to be and stay grounded, without wavering, when life happens and I find myself with an extra piece of ‘clothing’.
This is the beauty of the missing peg.
#love and be loved dear friends